Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Laugh out Loud! #2.
from the istana by dr wong.
This week's theme: Pets
--- 06.06.07
(A) Editor's Notes
Good morning girls and boys.
After meeting up with the various presidents around the world (DOS Meeting), I am finally free. I am greatly sorry for the all the unhappiness caused without 'Laugh Out Loud'.
You asked for it... here comes...
(B) A DOG NAMED SEX
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot", or even 'Spice' (in Yihan's case). I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I would like to have one too!"
Then I said, "But she is a dog!"
He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old."
He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.
I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace.
My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.
I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest.
But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.
He said that I should have sold my own tickets.
"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.
I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."
The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again.
I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex."
My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely."
And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
OOPS! TSZE DENG!
(C) SHORT-ANSWER JOKES
- How do you kill a blue elephant?
ANS: With a blue elephant gun.
- How do you kill a pink elephant?
ANS: Hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
- How do you kill a white elephant?
ANS: Tickle it pink, hold its nose until it turns blue, and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
- Why can't penguins fly?
ANS: Because they can't afford an air ticket!
How do Humans laugh? >> Ha Ha Ha
How do Fish laugh? >> Hurhurhur (fish in Hokkien)
How to Prawns laugh? >> Hehhehheh (prawn in Hokkien)
(D) ANSWER TO LAST ISSUE'S QUESTION
- 一只黑鸡 + 一只白鸡。猜三个字。
(Damn difficult... Pre-requisite: PSLE)
- ANSWER
"两只鸡" Lol.
(E) BONUS QUESTION
- Which bird can carry the heaviest weight?
- ANSWER...
To be revealed in next term's issue!
(F) PICK OF THE WEEK
... An old joke...
This quiz consists of four questions that tells you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS.
There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional.
- How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
ANSWER
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way.
- How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Incorrect answer
Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door.
ANSWER
Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This question tests your foresight.
- The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
ANSWER
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator!
This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking.
OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.
- There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it?
ANSWER
Simply swim across it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting!
That completes the test! This question tests your reasoning ability.
So... If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you're a true professional. Wealth awaits you.
If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you.
If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint.
If you answered one out of four, try selling your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.
If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require any higher mental functions at all, such as management, politics (like Dr Wong), law or medicine.
~~~ DR WONG SIGNING OFF ~~~
A Publication of Istana Jokes Pte Ltd600 Upper Changi RoadSingapore 487012http://www.istana.gov.sgdrwong@istana.gov.sgLabels: 4L Contributions
